Meteor-crossed: A Boy Meets World Story
by Essie Rose
Summary: WARNING SLASH: Shawn's life has always felt out of control. Eric has always felt behind the curve. To fall in love they'll have to overcome their insecurities, and let love take it's crater causing course.
1. Cory's Little Friend

Cory's Little Friend

The Matthews house had always been a place of refuge for Shawn Hunter. Whenever his world felt as if it were crashing down around him, he knew he could go to the Matthews to find solace. There even the worst of problems felt like walks in the park. Shawn didn't know if it was because the Matthews didn't have problems or if for some reason the family was immune to feeling the weight of them.

Cory, the middle child and Shawn's best friend was always able to see the bright side of any situation. Allen and Amy, Cory's parents were a great example of the type of marriage Shawn hoped to have someday; solid and ready to face any challenge. They treated him like a son and Shawn was grateful for their unwavering kindness toward him; the boy from the other side of town. Shawn always had a soft spot for Morgan, the baby sister who was quick witted and seemed to think in pink everything. He felt very protective of her. The only member of the Matthews family that Shawn had trouble connecting with was Eric.

Eric was the eldest of the siblings and carried that status like a badge of honor. The charming, bright-eyed and devilishly handsome young man looked down on his little brother through the eyes of annoyance, rarely ever offering any sentiment. Cory was to be tolerated by Eric, while Shawn was barely acknowledged. Over the years whenever Eric did refer to Shawn it was in the phrase, "Cory tell your little friend." Cory tell your little friend to clean out the sink, it isn't a trough, or Cory tell your little friend to keep his peanut-buttered hands off my stereo, or Cory tell your little friend we have a door and stop tracking tree leaves in our bedroom. Even though Shawn hated it, he learned to accept that Eric was at the most indifferent toward him. But something changed during Shawn's 7th grade year.

Schoolwork wasn't easy, but Shawn tried his best. He had mastered the social scene and secured a cool kid spot among his peers. He had no shortage of girlfriends though after a few kissing sessions he tended not to know what to do with girls. It was his family life however that was causing him grief. His parents teetering marriage looked to finally be crumbling. Any interaction between them was more often than not marred by screaming matches.

Shawn found himself escaping to the Matthews more and more due the constant fighting in his home. He'd even show up in the middle of the night just to sit on the back porch, under the tree. He'd listening the quiet night and pray that one day he too could live in a place where the house was silent in the middle of the night. He did this often, and it kept him from doing something stupid which he always found himself fighting the urge to do.

On one particular fall night Shawn escaped to the Matthews while his parents fought over money problems. Shawn hated those fights the most. He had heard Mr. and Mrs. Matthews discussing money problems but they never screamed at each other or called each other names. Shawn knew this meant that money wasn't as important as his parents made it out to be, but for some reason their fights about money were the worst. It was 12:30 am, way too late to call and ask to stay over. He thought about trying Cory's window but couldn't bear the thought of waking the boy up. So he sat on the back porch bench and leaned up against the tree. He looked up at the night sky, which was bright in the light of the moon. Before he knew it, Shawn was fast asleep. It was the soft whisper of his name and a gentle nudge that woke up.

When Shawn opened his eyes he looked up to see the moonlit face of Eric. Eric's eyes sparkled from the light of the night. They were full of concern, which was odd considering that they were being directed at Shawn. Eric's overall appearance was disheveled. His light brown hair was a mess, his shirt was wrinkled, his face looked tired and his lips were taunt and reddish. Eric, Shawn figured, had just come home from a date.

"What are you doing out here," the older boy asked. Shawn rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked at his watch and saw that he'd only been there for 30 minutes or so. His neck ached and he found that his right shoulder had fallen asleep.

"Nothing," he finally replied. He found himself suddenly ashamed "I couldn't sleep at home." Eric furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. he stood there looking at the boy with a face of disapproval. Shawn felt small as Eric surveyed him. His skin tingled and he found that it had become very hot in the cool autumn air.

"Your parents fighting in the middle of the night again," Eric finally said. Shawn looked at him with slight shock. He didn't think Eric knew anything about his parents, let alone their fighting habits. All of sudden Shawn felt a wave of emotion come over him. He didn't understand why, but it was overwhelming and he couldn't stop it from coming to the surface. It started as a sniffle, then a huge gulp in his throat, then hot tears began streaming down his face, and finally a soft but audible sob escaped his mouth. Before his knew it, Shawn found himself being wrapped up in Eric's arms; his face buried in the nape of Eric's warm neck. Eric tenderly caressed Shawn head and shoulder. He was whispering something, but Shawn couldn't hear it over the sounds of his own muffled crying.

What could have been a moment felt like an eternity. Shawn felt completely safe, like nothing in the world would ever go wrong again. The boys stayed in this positon even after Shawn stopped sobbing. The only sounds left were of the crickets in the garden, the whistle of the wind through the trees, Shawn's involuntary sniffles, and the soothing sound of Eric breathing. It was steady and unlabored. Shawn felt he could fall asleep to it, and probably would have. Suddenly a bright light blared through the moonlit darkness. It was coming from the house.

Eric quickly stood up, leaving Shawn feeling abandoned. Mr. Matthews was standing in the door frame of the backdoor. His arms were tightly folded and though it was hard to tell, Shawn knew he had a stern look on his face. "Dad," Eric stammered.

"Shawn," The older man called out in confusion. "What are you doing here?" He came over to Shawn with a concerned look in his eyes, the one Eric had before. Shawn wanted to speak, but knew if he did the crying would start again. So he just hung his head avoiding eye contact with the man. Mr. Matthews caressed the boy's head and sighed. "Eric, take him upstairs." He said.

Shawn found himself back in the arm pocket of Eric, as the older boy led him into the house. They walked through the kitchen and up the staircase and into the boys' room. Cory was fast asleep, snoring with a whimper. Eric sat Shawn down on his bed, and quietly began to maneuver around the room. He was grabbing a blanket, and a pillow. He neatly laid the items on the window nook, also known as Shawn's bed. Shawn peeled off his over-sized leather jacket. He then fumbled out of his tattered-sneakers. Shawn found himself to be extremely tired. Eric walked back over to the boy and helped him over to the nook. Shawn laid down on his back, facing the ceiling.

'You're not going to be comfortable in those,' Eric whispered, Shawn wasn't exactly sure what the older boy meant, until Eric knelt down and began undoing Shawn's pants. Shawn became very still. His skin became flushed and a tinge of excitement reverberated all over his body. Eric tenderly pulled down Shawn's jeans over his slim hips, and past his plush bottom, down his scrawny thighs and bugling knee caps, and finally over his gaunt calves, onto the floor. His legs where pale in the moonlight with light patches of hair covering them. He was wearing a plain pair of light blue boxer shorts. Shawn immediately felt embarrassed when his realized the tenting going on underneath them. However, he was still too afraid to move. He'd never experienced this type of care before. Eric didn't seem to notice the growing bugle in the underwear. He commanded younger boy to sit up, as he tugged the green long-sleeved shirt up Shawn's lean torso and over his head in one motion.

There Shawn was, practically naked, and petrified with anxiety. It felt so strange to be so close to someone that Shawn assumed, didn't like him, but was now treating him like the most precious of things. Eric's final act of sweetness was taking the warm cotton blanket and pulling it over Shawn's body, up to the chin. Eric looked down at Shawn with soft eyes and for a moment the two boys just stared into each other's eyes. Shawn thought for a moment he could see into the older boy's soul. Eric swept away a stubborn strand of hair from Shawn's face and let his warm fingers linger on Shawn's cheek. Shawn worried that the older boy was going to kiss him, then he hoped that he would. The thought scared him, but he felt his erection pulsate even more.

However, Eric didn't kiss Shawn. He simply smiled and said, "goodnight Shawn." Then Eric got up and disappeared into the bathroom. Shawn wanted to cry again, he wanted to squeal. He replayed the moment in his head, arguing with it, agonizing over it, becoming completely in awe of it. He never felt so confused, and joyous and bothered in his life. Every time he pictured Eric's face his heart leap and he broke out into a sweat. He fidgeted with restlessness at the thought of how sweetly the older boy cared for him. Before long Shawn found himself asleep again. He dreamt of Eric and only Eric the entire night through. But his dreams weren't just strict recounts of the night, but altered moments that came into Shawn's mind with a fever pitch. Eric kissing him under the tree in the moonlight, Eric kissing him while stroking his hair. Eric touching Shawn's body, Eric undressing Shawn, Shawn undressing Eric, Eric wrapping Shawn up in his arms, moving his hand underneath Shawn's boxers.

"Shawn," the shrill sound of Cory's voice yanked Shawn from his lustful dream. It was jarring and Shawn's body wasn't prepared for it. He was shaking, and drenched in sweat, and could feel the familiar runny, gooey warmth underneath his boxers. The dawn light was seeping into the room through the curtains giving the space a pale blue hue. Shawn slightly raised his head and looked toward Eric's bed. It was empty. He then looked over at Cory's bed. The small curly-headed boy was sat straight up, eyes half closed with a distorted look on his face.

"What do you want Cory," Shawn asked with a dry and scratchy voice.

"For you to shut up," Cory replied. "It's 7:30 a.m. on Saturday and you're moaning in your sleep." With that the boy turned over and nestled himself back into his pillow.

"Sorry," Shawn whispered out. He laid his head back down and closed his eyes again, but it was too late. He was awake and thinking of Eric.


	2. Saturday Night Guy

That night played in Shawn's mind repeatedly throughout the years. At times, he wondered if it happened, because the two boys never had such a moment again. The only sign that something of significance happened between the two, was the change in interaction between them. This was mostly on Eric's part. He no longer referred to Shawn as Cory's little friend, but instead called him Shawn. He no longer directed commands of Shawn through Cory, but made the requests to Shawn himself, and there wasn't an ounce of annoyance in his tone "Shawn can you hand me that book over there please, Shawn, did you see my sunglasses, I just sat them down, Shawn do you mind helping me carry these groceries into the house. At first Shawn thought this change in behavior toward him was because of a deep seeded affection Eric had for him, but he gave up that thought when he realized that even Eric's relationship with Cory had evolved. Of course, the two brothers had their sibling rivalry but there was much more appreciate between the two of them.

Shawn attempted to push any feelings he had for Eric away, thinking that whatever lust he had for the older boy was due to the emotional state of the night. However, he couldn't help but find himself thinking of Eric or musing over something ridiculous that Eric had said or done. He did his best to distract himself which was mind easy by the roller-coaster of events that afflicted him and Cory over the years.

First it was Shawn's mother finally leaving. Shawn's father Chet took off after her and left Shawn in the care of his English teacher Mr. Turner. Then it was the adventures of Cory and Tapanga, where Shawn often had a part in helping Cory win the pretty, crazy smart girl's affections time and time again. Then there was the return of Chet and Shawn finally feeling he had a relationship with his dad. Then Mr. Turner's motorcycle accident which nearly destroyed Shawn, and finally his relationship with Angela.

Angela was the perfect girl for Shawn. She loved Van Dam movies, Shakespeare sonnets, and fruity lip gloss. She understood Shawn's angst and excepted him for the perpetual mess he was. He wanted to love Angela forever and he had planned on it. All the while Shawn kept thinking of Eric. Before Angela thinking of Eric bothered Shawn, but after meeting Angela he became angry with himself, that the slightest thing could cause his mind to wander on the dopey-eyed boy.

Eric, of course, had his own struggles that Shawn did his best to stay on the peripheral. Eric didn't get into college after high school, he struggled to maintain a job, there became a rift between him and his father that at one point, caused Eric to move out. When the relationship between him and his father finally mended Eric was still feeling restless and unable to decide what to do with his life. He was often found sitting on the couch, in his rob, eating a large bowel of cereal and watching crime television shows. His mother, Amy begged and pleaded with the boy to get up, get out of the house, do something. But Eric didn't have any motivation to jump-start his life. That was until one day when Cory and Shawn came into the house and caught him singing a song he made up about himself as an international spy.

"Pathetic," Cory mused, then ran upstairs, leaving Shawn and an embarrassed Eric behind. Eric stared at the T.V. pretending not to notice the younger boy's presence. Shawn slowly walked over and sat down beside him. Eric's ears were burning and he was suddenly aware of how awful he must smell having been sat in that exact spot for at least two days. Tempting fate, he looked over at Shawn, who was looking back at him with the softest, sweetest expression. Eric couldn't move, he couldn't breathe. His chest felt tight and his head was pounding. Finally, Shawn spoke.

"You're better than this, Eric," he said, his voice saturated in conviction. "Be better." Eric didn't say anything, he couldn't. Shawn sweet expression changed to hesitation as he raised his hand and tenderly swiped a strand of hair from Eric's face. Eric exhaled deeply and he felt a shiver surge through him. Shawn's hand lingered on the older boy's cheek, and he looked at Eric's face pensively and bit his lower lip. Eric felt a rush of lust in is pajama bottoms. If it weren't for the large bowl sitting on his lap, he knew his erection would be at full attention. Eric was worried that Shawn would kiss him, then he hoped for it. But the battle cry like call Cory's voice from upstairs of Shawn's name, broke the moment. Shawn quickly got up at fumbled his way upstairs. The next day Eric was in Mr. Feeny's office, his former teacher and current principal of the high school, begging him to help him get into college.

It was a tough few months after that but Eric's determination to make high score on the SATs and get into college paid off. He enrolled at Pennbrook, a local university and sat his sights on dominating the world once and for all. He even managed to get his own place.

Eric, moved in to an apartment off campus at the earnest persuasion of his little brother Cory. After failing to secure a dorm room, Eric agreed to move in with Jack Hunter, an Antonius, rich kid from New York and Shawn's older half-brother. Eric hit it off quickly with other guy found himself excited about a new friendship. This new friendship however brought it is own set of issues.

Jack and Shawn's relationship was strained after years of zero communication between the two. Shawn loathed Jack's affluent upbringing and Jack was jealous over Shawn's relationship with their father. In the hopes of the two building a relationship their dad decided to have Shawn move in with Jack. At first the idea was disputed by all but after a bit of nudging Shawn agreed and moved into the apartment.

This move didn't bode well for Eric however, who was having trouble coming to terms with his sexuality. He found that years of worrying over his future, had suppressed his exploration of his sexuality but that as things were finally coming into place discovering himself came much easier. Working in his father outdoor store, Eric found himself bombarded with opportunities to explore the world of homosexuality. Burly men, looking for outdoor supplies causally flirted with Eric, splitting their numbers into his back pocket or across the counter when paying for their items. Eric only responded to a few inquiries, and to his surprise had some interesting and fun encounters. On occasion he'd slip off to a gay bar downtown and meet young, fresh faced guys.

He didn't date them however, just a hook-up here and there. He slowly began to realize he was in fact 100 percent gay, but wasn't interested in informing his family and friends about it. He thought it was be easier to hide his sexual preference now that he was moved out, but with Shawn moving in, he knew he wouldn't be able to be as covert as he would like. Because with Shawn, came Cory, and Tapanga and even more annoyingly Angela, Shawn's girlfriend. But just having Shawn there was struggle in and of itself. Shawn's cologne lingered in the bathroom for hours after he left, and the kitchen and the living room. Shawn's laughed carried through all parts of the apartment and his shouts of protest when he'd burn himself on the oven violated Eric's studying on several occasions. The worst was coming into the living room and finding Shawn and Angela curled up on the couch watching some action movie. Eric would immediately forgo whatever it was he was searching for and banish himself back into his room, until he heard the clingy girl leave for the evening.

He found himself once again going back to his habit of sending messages to Shawn through other people, namely Jack since he of course was the other roommate and in this case Shawn's caregiver. It was often petty matters such as, can you tell your brother not to leave the blow dryer in the socket, or Can you tell your brother to throw out the empty milk container, or Can you tell your brother that the living room is communal space and stop monopolizing it with his girlfriend. This temperament of course put a strain on his friendship with Jack and Eric found himself annoyed with the sound of his own voice.

Shawn as excepted, pulled away from Eric almost entirely giving Eric a sense of accomplishment and leaving him utterly depressed. If Shawn wasn't sleeping or bounding with Jack he wasn't in the apartment, which meant Angela and Cory and Tapanga weren't in the apartment either. That was good news for Eric who could now easily sneak guys in and out of the place without too many curious eyes.

His strategic planning, made actively hooking up with guys, while neatly tucked away in the closet easy. That was until he got too lazy and was found out by the one person he didn't want to find out about his philandering, Shawn.

It was going to be the perfect weekend. Jack went to visit his parents in New York, and Shawn had gone on a skiing trip with his class. Eric had the whole apartment to himself and with no school work to catch up on, he was taking full advantage of his freedom. Him brought a couple of guys over to apartment, one on Friday who was rather kinky for Eric's taste, and one on Saturday night. This guy was the perfect mix of shy and insatiable and instead of finding an excuse to send him home after Saturday night's adventures, Eric let the guy stay. He figured Jack and Shawn won't be home until late Sunday, but he was sorely mistaken.

While Eric was nakedly canoodling in the bathroom with Saturday night's score, the door flew up with a shocked face Shawn on the other side. The three men stood there, not knowing what to do. Eric wanted to disappear from existence, especially when he saw Shawn's shocked face, turn to a hurt face.

"Hi," the very naked Saturday night guy said cooling. "I'm Brain." He stuck out a calm hand toward Shawn who looked at it as if it were covered in leper scars.

"I'm sorry," Shawn stammered and quickly rushed away from the bathroom. Eric heard Shawn's bedroom door slam. He grabbed a towel and covered up. He rushed to the younger boy's bedroom and stood there. He didn't know what to do or what to say and as much as he wanted to explain himself, he didn't think that he could. Despite all of that, the fear that Shawn would tell Cory about what happened terrified him to no end. He knocked on the door. It quickly flung open. Shawn stood rigid in the doorway. His face was distorted in frustration and his chest was heaving.

"What," the younger boy barked. Eric suddenly felt small, a feeling he hadn't felt since finding out he didn't have the scores to get into college. His mind searched for the words to say, but with each passing second, he realized there weren't any words to say. At least not words that would ease the obvious hurt that Shawn was feeling in that moment.

"I just wanted to ask, could you not," Eric started but Shawn cut him off.

"I won't tell anyone," Shawn said. His tone was slightly softer, but it was clear that Eric's need to remain in the closet was not his prime concern now. Eric said thank you shyly, and was met with a closed door as a you're welcome. Eric slowly walked back to his side of the apartment. With each step, he felt worse and worse. That face that Shawn made when he saw him with Brian. Eric knew that that face was going to haunt him for quite some time.

When he made his way back to his room he opened the door to find Brian naked, flat on his back in Eric's bed. He had a mischievous smile on his face.

"So, what no threesome," the naked man said with a laugh. Eric sighed somberly.

"Get out."


	3. The Perfect Girl

The Perfect Girl

It had been a week since Shawn happened upon a naked Eric and his well-endowed friend, Brian. Since then he hadn't seen much of Eric around the apartment, which didn't bother him in the slightest. Just the thought of Eric with another guy made him physically ill. He felt blindsided. All this time he thought Eric didn't want to be with him because he was straight, but as it turned out Eric wasn't straight at all. All those times Eric smiled at him or told him a funny joke or made Shawn a pop-tart, because he was eating a pop-tart, were really moments of Eric saying, "hey Shawn I'm so into you". But Shawn couldn't see it, and now he was in a relationship with girl, and Eric was having hot sex with another guy.

Shawn felt completely stupid, knowing those moments when their eyes would linger on each other, it would have been completely okay for him to kiss Eric, touch him, hold him. But those moments had passed and were now completely off the table. Suddenly Shawn realized why things between him and Eric had soured in recent months. Eric was pushing him away, because of Angela. Shawn couldn't be with Eric because he had insisted on pursuing a relationship with Angela, a girl he thought was perfect for him. The girl he knew was perfect for him.

Shawn hadn't really thought about his sexuality beyond is affections for Eric. He never found himself lusting after other boys at school or guys he'd run into at the mall or gas station. He didn't have a male celebrity crush. In fact, the only lustful thoughts he had of any guy were solely centered on Eric. That often made him wonder if he were really gay or just gay for Eric. He had dated his fair share of girls even prior to Angela. They were all attractive girls, beautiful by anyone's standards. Whenever he would make out with them he enjoyed it, or at least he thought he enjoyed it. Sometimes during those spit swapping sessions he'd find his mind wandering to other things, and not even sexual things. If his mind did wander to anything sexual Eric was usually at the center of it. That got him hard during any make out with a girl. She would feel Shawn's erection and consider it a sign that he was definitely interested. Clothes would begin to be removed, the girl would whisper that she was totally ready for Shawn to be her first in his ear and then anxiety was hit Shawn like a ton of bricks.

If the idea of thinking about Eric with another guy made Shawn ill, the idea of having sex with a woman made him catatonic. His mind would go into complete overdrive, and he'd lose feeling in his hands and feet. He'd also forgot what day it was and what time zone he was in. He'd recklessly worm his way out of the situation, leaving the girl hurt and confused. Then he'd peter out so to speak. He'd stop calling her, and stop walking her to class, and stopped inviting her to hang out with him, Cory and Tapanga.

He basically ended relationships by actively not participating in the relationship. If the girl called him out on it, he'd give a half-hearted apology and an excuse about his dad, or his troubled past or his needing to focus on school. It's not that those explanations for why a serious relationship wasn't ideal, weren't true it's just that the revolting idea of sticking his penis in a vagina was more pertinent to his decision to end things. He always felt bad. However, after a month or so of single life he'd find himself back in a pseudo-relationship with a girl.

This was because Shawn was incapable of developing a friendship with a girl that didn't lead to making out. He tried and failed several times. Most often the girls were more interested in finally taming the relationship-challenged Shawn, than actually getting to know him. Angela was different though. When he met her, she seemed genuinely interested in being his friend. She didn't pressure him into being a couple and seemed to understand that Shawn wasn't the relationship type. They did end up having a few make out sessions during those pre-relationship months, but Angela didn't declare herself ready and available for sex like the other girls had. When it ended, it ended civilly. That got under Shawn's skin. He didn't want Angela to just be a girl he dated and then cut loose, but he couldn't verbalize what type of relationship he did want with her. When he unknowingly discovered her purse and all the contents, Shawn thought this was a girl he could possibly see himself maybe, just maybe having something with. It was pure luck that the girl attached to those items was Angela.

Since he was unable to truly comprehend what he was feeling for her, Shawn decided that it was romantic love he had for Angela. The same love that Cory had for Tapanga, or Mr. Matthews had for his wife. Whatever feelings Shawn had for Eric, were simply a misinterpretation brought on by high stress levels and inappropriate physical contact, or something. Shawn simply continued to drive himself deeper into a relationship with Angela until Eric became a distant memory. But seeing Eric in all his hot, gorgeous , well-hung glory, sent those repressed feelings of affections for him right back to the surface.

Eric's beautiful naked body was the only thing that Shawn had thought about all week. He did have something to distract himself, and unfortunately it wasn't Angela. Cory and Tapanga had broken up after Cory had foolishly made out with another girl on their ski trip. Shawn didn't understand why Cory had been so stupid, but he was determined to help his best friend win back his girl. Angela wasn't so cooperative in this mission. She hated to see her friends hurting, but felt it was best to let the whole situation run its course. Shawn couldn't afford that kind of time. He needed the earnestness of a skimming manipulative plan to help curb thoughts of Eric's wet perfect, naked body. However, those began to become far and in between when even Cory lost hope of winning Tapanga back.

"Seriously Shawn, you need to let this go," Angela said one afternoon as they were studying her in room. Shawn was on a particularly vigorous rant about Cory and Tapanga. "If they're meant to be together, then they'll be together."

"That's not good enough," Shawn protested. "Cory and Tapanga belong together."

"Nobody belongs together, Shawn." Angela exclaimed. "People choose to be with who they want." This was a particularly jarring idea considering Eric had chosen to be with another guy, instead of Shawn.

"Cory and Tapanga belong together, Angela, since the day they were born," Shawn proclaimed. "It's written in the stars."

"Like star-crossed lovers," Angela mused.

"Exactly," Shawn replied. Angela rolled her eyes.

"Shawn, star-crossed lovers don't end up together, that's why they're star-crossed," Angela made a hand motion with her hands, bringing them together, but then crossing them at the last second. Shawn sighed in frustration.

"Fine, they're like a meteor and the moon, where the meteor is destined to crash into the moon's surface," Shawn said enthusiastically.

"Making huge a crater and destroying the moon's surface," Angela scoffed.

"No, making an impact on the moon that will change it for the better, forever and ever until the end of time." Shawn stated with a smile as his girlfriend shook her head and smiled at his craziness.

"Sometimes your romanticism is even more annoying then Cory's," Angela proclaimed before planting kiss on the boy. Shawn responded in kind and the kiss grew deeper. The two fell on the bed, now feverously making out. Shawn focus was split between the kiss and watching where he placed his hands. He never wanted to give Angela the impression that these moments were just a way to get into her pants. He had to be careful about how to touch her.

Never below the waist, and near her breast, but not on her breast. The shoulders were the safest spot as well has her face, however Angela tended to hold his face while making out, which made him holding her feel weird. He also had to pay attention to where his lower half was. He never laid on top of her, or let her sit on top of him. Laying side by side gave him more control and sometimes he could work a pillow in-between them without making it seem awkward. In the beginning of their relationship, Shawn's making out techniques worked perfectly, but over the months Angela was becoming bolder in her hand roaming. Shawn could easily control where his hands went, but Angela's were harder to contain.

This particular session she seemed keen on getting her hands up Shawn's shirt. Shawn rolled up to where his torso was laid across hers. This made it harder for Angela to gain access up his shirt. So she went south and around , grabbing for Shawn's butt. This wasn't too bad for Shawn, there wasn't much particularly arousing about a handful of his boney backside. Suddenly the thought of Eric's butt crept into Shawn's mind. He deepened the kiss thoughtlessly. His mind wandered from Eric's butt, to his glistening chest, and down his flat stomach. Then he thought about Eric's happy trail, a bed of thick course dark blonde hair traveling in a perfect line to an even thicker garden bed of pubic hair that surrounded a throbbing, veiny, magnificent erect penis, shiny and slick.

Unbeknownst to him, Shawn was grinding his raging hard-on against the bed as he let his mind wander to the sight of Eric's body. The image was so perfectly preserved in his mind. He was sweating and had, moved his lips from Angela's mouth to the nape of her neck. One of his hand had found their way to the small of Angela's back and he was touching her skin. The other hand was gripping the top of the headboard so harshly his fingers ached. It was Angela whispering his name lustfully that brought him back to reality. Shawn stopped mid neck lick. He was panting. A wave of embarrassment came over him and his erect penis instantly deflated. In an effort to recover himself, Shawn kissed his way back up Angela's neck to her cheek then lightly kissed her lips, breaking away and rolling off of her afterwards.

The two laid there attempting to catch their breath. Shawn tortured himself with guilt. Angela was the perfect girl for him, why couldn't he just let her be enough. All he could think about was how coming clean about his feelings for Eric could crush her. Like a meteor crashing into a moon.

"Shawn," Angela's voice was small. She rolled over and placed a soft hand on his chest. He looked up at her. She had a shy expression, almost hesitate. "I was thinking, maybe we should start talking about the possibility of, you know, having sex." Alarms went off in Shawn's head. He did not see this statement coming up at all. In the year they'd been dating, sex was just an arbitrary idea, never realized, never even a blimp on the radar. It was as if Angela had just discovered the word today.

"Now," Shawn blurted out. Angela chuckled with a snort.

"Well not now," she exclaimed. "My dad will be home any minute."

Shawn's hands felt numb, and his mouth dried up like a raisin in the Sahara Desert. His heart was racing like crazy and his head was throbbing. He felt nauseous and then guilty for feeling nauseous. Angela was a beautiful girl, any fool could see that, why did the idea was sleeping with her or any girl make him crumble into an anxious mess.

"Shawn I love you, and I know you love me too," she said methodically. Unable to make a sound due to being petrified, Shawn simply smiled and nodded his head in agreement. Angela smiled. "Next year we start college and who knows what the future will bring. I want my first time to be with someone I truly care about and who truly cares about me. I want it to be with you." She said.

Shawn didn't know what to say or do. His whole body screaming for him to bolt out the door, but his mind was earnestly attempting to come up with something to say. However, he had nothing. There were no excuses or reasons not to sleep with Angela, at least none that involved emotional baggage. His best friend's life was spiraling out of control, but for the first time in a long time Shawn's life was picture perfect. Never mind Eric, who at this point was just an idea. Shawn had no indication that anything was ever happen between him and Eric that would led to everlasting love. But Angela. Angela was the girl of his dreams, his white picket-fenced dreams, that he always wanted.

"Okay," Shawn said. "Let's do it."


	4. Huge, Big Deals

Huge, Big Deals

Jack Hunter understood that he grew up with a sliver spoon in his mouth. He had come to learn that living on his own without his doting mother and his father's bank account was difficult. However, he was determined to see it through. He managed to get enough money in scholarships to pay for college tuition, fees and books. He took out a small student loan to help him pay for the first couple of months' rent for his apartment. Chet was helping by paying for Shawn's expenses and Eric seemed to be making good money working for his father's outdoor store. The rest of the money Jack made came from tutoring. He helped tutor local elementary children in math. Math had always come easy to him and this was a flexible enough time wise to support his income. Mr. Feeney, a local teacher and local legend helped him secure the job. He enjoyed spending time with the kiddos, especially when their face would light up after having figured out a problem that was alluding them. It gave Jack a sense of accomplishment to be a part of a child's learning achievements. The one perk Jack didn't expect from this job were the lonely, horny housewives.

Jack was a magnet for kids with mom who weren't afraid to flirt and proposition him for sex. Jack knew this should have been a complete turn off, but it was a total turn on for him. He reasoned his way into accepting that tutoring kids for money, then sleeping with their mothers on the side wasn't exactly prostitution. But he still kept this information about his job extremely secret from his new roommates.

He was disparate for a brotherly relationship with Shawn and knew that him being a homewrecker wouldn't foster that type of relationship. Eric was a stand-up guy, even if he did at times seem a bit ditsy. He couldn't bear the thought of sullying that new friendship. Eric was one of the only people that Jack could talk to about his homesickness and how to deal with Shawn, even though Eric didn't always appear to like Shawn. Jack found himself in the middle of their roommate growing pains more often than not. But Eric seemed to completely understand Shawn. At first Jack tried to use Cory, Shawn's best friend as a resource, but realized quickly that kid was way too spastic for his taste. Eric however had the best insight into Shawn and knew exactly how to teach Jack the proper technics to gain his little brother's trust. These technics he found would come in handy when Shawn came inquiring about sex.

"What," Jack asked a bit put off guard. Shawn who already seemed nervous turned bright red. Jack felt guilty. Of course his little brother wanting to know about sex, and of course he'd come to Jack. Of the three Jack was the residence sex god of the house.

"How do you feel when having sex," Shawn asked again, this time in faster, softer voice. Jack sat there at the kitchen island and thought about the question. He didn't understand exactly what Shawn meant.

"Sex feels great," Jack finally answered. "I mean, you know, friction." Jack stammered, hoping that answer would suffice. He could see on Shawn's face that that answer wasn't exactly what he was looking for.

"I get that physically it's supposed to feel good," Shawn stated. "But how do you feel emotionally, about the other person or your feelings inside?" Shawn asked. Jack was stumped. He'd never considered emotional feelings when it came to sex, however after enduring Cory for that last several months he understood why Shawn paired emotions and sex so easily. As far as Jack was concerned if the girl verbally agreed to sleep with him then she was into it. He of course was always into it, and it didn't matter the girl. He wanted to come up with some kind of bull about feelings, but he was reminded by Eric's advice to just be real with Shawn on situations like this.

"Honestly, Shawn I've never thought about my emotions during sex," Jack answered. Shawn furrowed his brow.

"So you don't feel anything for the girl you're sleeping with," Shawn asked. In his mind Jack changed girl into its plural form and pondered over the question.

" Well I feel grateful that she agreed to sleep with me," he answered coyly. This made Shawn chuckle a bit, which made Jack's heart burst. He loved being able to make his moody, little brother laugh.

"Come on Jack, you mean you've never had feelings for a girl?" Shawn asked. Jack thought for a moment.

"Maybe the first girl, Mira," Jack stated when the thought of the red-haired, freckled-faced teenage beauty flooded his memory. "She was amazing, super sweet and funny. We dated throughout junior high."

"Okay," Shawn replied hopeful. "So when the two of you decided to have sex, how did you feel about it. Did it freak you out?"

Jack furrowed his brow. That was an unusual question but he figured being afraid that you'd get it wrong was a natural fear. Prior to his first sexual experience Jack had researched copious amounts of porn, so he felt prepared. Although suggesting his young teenage brother to watch porn didn't seem like the most responsible thing to do. So Jack searched his mind, thinking of what he wished his step-father would have explained to him about sex, but never did. His dad just came into his room one day, threw a box of condoms at Jack and stated, don't mess it up.

"I guess I felt kind of nervous," Jack said. "But was excited too, and it was Mira so I felt comfortable with her. She was my best friend. Even if things didn't work exactly how we wanted them to, I knew I could trust her not to make me feel like a complete failure."

"Did it work the first time," Shawn asked. There was no thinking about the answer to this question.

"Of course, dude," Jack replied. "I totally nailed it. Mira and I had sex like bunnies, until she moved with her family to Boston." He smiled at the memories. The two men became silent. Jack looked at Shawn's face which was full of worry and knew that despite his best efforts he hadn't eased his brother's fears for his first sexual encounter. "Shawn, do you trust Angela?' he asked the younger boy. Shawn looked at Jack thoughtfully.

"Yes," he replied. "She one of my best friends."

"Then everything will work out," Jack proclaimed. Shawn sighed. He looked like he had something else he wanted to say but couldn't find the words. "What is it?" Jack asked. Shawn inhaled deeply then closed his eyes.

"What if you're not sure, you're attracted to the girl," Shawn asked. His face turned bright red. Jack too felt himself become very nervous and found his mind racing with questions of his own. Why wouldn't Shawn find Angela attractive? She was gorgeous. Shawn dated tons of beautiful girls before her. He was a total player. Why wouldn't he find a girl attractive? What exactly was Shawn trying to communicate to his older brother? Was this just a bonding moment about the intricate inner workings of sex or was this a big life altering, relationship dynamitic changing, huge, big deal. Jack didn't know if he was prepared for huge, big deal news, at least not when it came to who or what Shawn was sexually attracted to. How could he wiggle his away out of this conversation, without making Shawn feel abnormal.

"Look, Shawn," Jack began, hoping the next words to come out of his mouth were somewhat insightful. "If it works, it works. Don't overthink it." That was it. That's all he could come up, and it was emotionally draining at best. He needed to escape before more questions were asked. He slapped his brother heartedly on the back and announced he had to go to work. He did advise Shawn to come to him if he ever needed to talk about anything, but he secretly hoped it would be a while before Shawn took him up on that offer. He left the apartment in a fog.

As a straight guy, he never considered not being attracted to a woman. Of course there were more attractive women than others. However if he allowed himself and he was horny enough, Jack could always find something super-hot about any woman. He continued to think about this during his tutoring session with a 10-year-old who was having trouble with long division. Then he continued to think about it as he feverishly banged the 10-year-old's mom up against the dryer in the basement. This woman turned him on because it was obvious sleeping with Jack was the first bad thing she'd ever done in her life. She seemed to live in cardigan sweaters and had a painfully shy disposition. When she first approached him about sex, she was visibly shaking with nervousness. But she was super flexible and giggled endearingly during an organism, which made Jack organism super hard.

Later that evening while coming back to the apartment, Jack felt that he needed to amend his previous statement to his little brother. Something to the effect of, women come in all beautiful shapes and sizes. They're like animal crackers, different but still delicious; he hadn't quite figured out the exact wording when he walked through the front door, but he hoped to find them soon.

When he walked into the house Eric was sitting at the kitchen island, eating a sandwich and reading a book. The other man looked over at Jack acknowledging his presence with a mumble and a nod. Then he returned to the book.

"Have you seen Shawn," Jack asked. Eric choked and slammed the book on the table. It was a weird reaction, but Jack had gotten use to Eric's weirdness.

"Nope," Eric said in a high voice. "He's not here."

"Dammit," Jack scoffed.

"What's wrong," Eric asked. Without thinking Jack replied that Shawn had asked him about having sex with Angela, and he felt that he totally botched the conversation. After this confession Jack felt a wave of shame come over him. He looked at Eric panicked.

"Shit, I probably wasn't supposed to tell you that" Jack said fearfully. "You know brother confidentially and all." Eric gave a half smile.

"Don't worry, I won't say anything," Eric assured, which did ease Jack's mind. But he was still conflicted about how to talk to Shawn and he needed advice.

"I just want to get this right, you know," Jack said. "The sex talk with your little brother is a big deal. I'm sure you understand."

"Nah, me and Cory haven't had that particular talk yet," Eric advised. "I honestly think Cory believes that the vagina is an actual flower." The two men laughed. Then Eric got serious. "Look I'm sure whatever you had to say benefitted Shawn in some way. If only to know that you care enough about him to have the awkward conversations." Jack sighed with relief. He appreciated Eric helping him navigate the world of older brotherhood. But something still bothered him about his talk with Shawn, and Eric seemed to sense it. "What's wrong," he asked. Jack looked at Eric pensively. He was afraid to share his thoughts but knew he'd drive himself crazy if he didn't.

"I think, I think Shawn was trying to come out to me," Jack finally said. Eric's face went blank, and for a while Jack worried he'd made a mistake.

"What do you mean," Eric asked shyly.

"I mean, I think he was trying to tell me that he's gay," Jack answered. Eric began to fidget.

"Why would you think that," Eric asked. Still not sure he was doing the right thing, Jack decided to trust Eric's friendship.

"Well he asked about what if you're not attracted to the girl you're having sex with," Jack replied. He waited for a reaction but Eric was silent. "That's a weird question to ask, for a straight guy right? I mean we're attracted to women, that's why we're straight." He waited again for a reply from his friend.

"I wouldn't worry too much about," Eric finally stated. "Maybe Shawn's questioning his sexuality or maybe it was nerves talking. You can't jump to conclusions." Jack was satisfied with that answer, because it meant he didn't have to rush to a follow up with Shawn. If his little brother was gay then that conversation would come in time, if not there was no point in bringing it up and making things weird between them.

"You're right," Jack said. "If Shawn's gay then we'll deal with it later. Not that it's something to deal with. I'd be totally fine. I grew up in New York City for goodness sakes." He gave Eric a smile then yawned. Having sex with sexually frustrated housewives took a lot of energy, not to mention the mental strain tutoring pre-teens had on him. Jack was beat.

"I'm headed to bed," Jack announced as he left the kitchen heading toward his bedroom.

"It's only 9 o'clock," Eric called out. "Tutoring is that exhausting."

"You have no idea."


	5. Sexual Girl and the Crying Boy

It had been a couple of weeks since Shawn and Angela decided to have sex, but fortunately for Shawn, Cory and Topanga's drama had kept them from planning out a time to do the deed. Cory's dissent into depression over Topanga required a lot of attention, which Angela seemed to be gracious about. She too was pulling Topanga duty and spent many nights with the crying girl. For a brief moment Shawn thought Angela forgot all about it, but a hallway rendezvous between classes on a Friday let Shawn know that Angela definitely had sex on the brain. She slipped him a note, that read, my house at 7, clothing optional. Shawn was freaking out.

He needed Cory to have a crisis and he needed Cory to have a crisis now. But Cory didn't have a crisis and wasn't in the mood to plot and win Topanga back operation. Cory announced that he was locking himself in his bedroom and wasn't coming out for the whole weekend. Bad news for Shawn.

Shawn felt guilty that he was anything but excitement at the idea of having sex with Angela. However, after his conversation with his brother, he knew he'd have to give it a try. He did love Angela, and could total see them having a great life together. Even if their love wasn't meteor causing, the idea of her being his first time sat well with Shawn. In 10 years he knew he could look back and have no regrets about Angela being the person he lost his virginity to.

This was the thought that guiding Shawn out of his apartment and toward Angela's. Her dad was out of town for work. Angela was supposed to be at her aunt's place, but convinced the woman to let Angela spend the night at Topanga's. Angela of course told Topanga that she was helping her aunt paint her house all weekend and wouldn't have time to be a shoulder to cry on. She also advised Topanga that Shawn would be a fixture at the house. She knew that this would put Topanga off from visiting because even though Topanga and Shawn had a solid friendship, it made Topanga sad to be around him. Shawn didn't have to explain anything to Jack, because Jack didn't keep up too much with Shawn's whereabouts. Jack figured if Shawn wasn't at home he was at Cory's or Angela's.

It was a foolproof plan. No one knew what they were up to, and no one would bother them. Shawn did feel guilty about not telling his plan to Cory, but he figured if it all went to hell, there was no point in getting Cory's hopes up for a play-by-play. Shawn knew that Cory wanted to have sex, but that the other boy was shy about it and romanticized it to the point of insanity. It would put off Cory to know if sex wasn't a magical experience. Plus, Shawn liked the narrative that Cory and Topanga waited. It was indeed a magical notion. He hoped that things for the two would get back on track.

He wondered if he could convince Angela to wait, but had a feeling that despite her free-spirit, she was anxious to complete this rite of passage moment. When Angela opened the front door to her house a wave of sensual aroma came pouring out of the house and violated Shawn's senses. His noise burned and his eyes immediately began to water. The vision of Angela dressed in a slinky black dress was blurred.

"You look great," Shawn stuttered, figuring that's what you said to a girl dressed to have her clothes taken off. He wiped his eyes. "Sorry allergies" he stated. Angela giggled and grabbed his hand. She pulled him into the house and gave him a big, lustful kiss. Shawn was thrown by its intensity but did his best to match her eagerness. Angela began pulling Shawn toward the staircase. Shawn broke the kiss.

"You want to go upstairs now," he asked, trying not to sound nervous. "I thought you wanted to have dinner first." Angela smiled coyly.

"I did, but then I saw you looking so cute and I realized I don't want to wait another second," she said. She grabbed the boy's hand again and led him upstairs. Angela's room was transformed from a normal teenage girl's room to a sensual haven. She put scarfs over the lamp shade to darken the room. There were candles covering the dresser and her desk, she changed her bedsheet from the pink cotton ones to a red satin. Smooth jazz was playing on her stereo and there were fake rose petals all over the floor and the bed. "What do you think," she asked.

Shawn took a big gulp. "Wow this place is something," he answered. His stomach was doing flips, and he was beginning to sweat. His skin was itchy and his mouth was completely dry. The room began to spin and the music on the radio became muffled in his ears. He needed to sit down or he knew he'd pass out. Quickly he rushed over to the bed and sat down, forgetting about Angela in that moment. He was quickly reminded when the girl straddled him almost immediately when he sat down.

Shawn could feel the warmth of Angela groin on his crotch and for a moment he felt like he was going to throw up. Angela wrapped her arms around Shawn's shoulders and began violently kissing him. She started humping his crotch, which caused Shawn's flaccid penis immense pain. Shawn tried to focus. He steadied Angela's movements by grabbing her waist tightly and forcing her to slow down. She grabbed his hand and pulled it up to her breast. Shawn's hand sat flat and rigid on her breast. He attempted to cup it but every time he curled his fingers over the young girl's breast he felt unnerved by its squishiness.

I can't do this, Shawn thought. How the hell can I do this? Angela pushed Shawn down on the bed, and grabbed both of his wrists, driving them into the mattress. She was so aggressive it completely took Shawn by surprise. He was breathing heavily and felt so light-headed that he thought he might be having a panic attack. Angela centered her crotch over Shawn's penis and drove her hips down hard. Shawn yelped in pain. Jeans and underwear against his penis felt like sandpaper. Shawn was worried that he was getting carpet burns on his penis. Angela knelt down and began kissing along Shawn's neck.

Shawn sighed deeply, closed his eyes tightly and tried to think of something that would turn him on. Immediately he thought about Eric, and specifically about that one night that Eric tenderly stuck him into bed. Shawn felt his erection slightly perk up, but Angela vigorous thrust kept diminishing it. Shawn tried to think really hard about every sexual fantasy he had about Eric. A part of him wandered why he was forcing himself to go through this experience while the other part was screaming just do it you fool.

This was Angela. Sweet, kind, loving, thoughtful, laid-back Angela. He could tell her anything, and be exactly who he was with her. He had no reason to hide from Angela. He felt completely safe with her. Until this moment. Then Shawn began to cry. It was a strained cry at first, but the more Angela nibble on his neck and grinded into his crotch his sobs grew bolder. After what felt like an eternity. Angela stopped moving and lifted herself up. She looked down at the boy whose eyes were squeezed shut yet tears were streaming down his botchy face.

"What's wrong," she asked quickly getting off of him. Shawn raised up and hutched over his lap, hugging himself. He was openly weeping now, uncontrollably. Angela began stroking his back, and begging him to tell her what was going on.

Shawn knew he couldn't hide it any longer. He couldn't sugarcoat it, or skate around it. He had to be honest. He had to tell himself what he already knew.

"I'm gay," he cried. Then he waited. He waited for the earth to crack and swallow him whole. He waited for Angela to banish him from her sight and to never speak to her again. He waited for his entire world to crash all around him. But nothing happened. He was crying, jazz was playing and Angela was silent.

"Well, shit," she finally said. "I'm too late." It was a strange thing to say, let alone hear. Shawn raised up and looked at Angela who had a very annoyed expression on her face.

"What," he asked. Angela sighed heavily.

"I was hoping it would be a few more months before you realized it," she said matter-of-factly. Then she got up and walked over the stereo. Shawn was in shock. He didn't know what to do or say. None of what was happening made any sense. Angela turned off the stereo and began blowing out candles. While doing these tasks she explained to Shawn that she realized he might be gay a couple of months into their relationship. She realized that even though he wasn't against kissing her, he always seemed uncomfortable doing so. She admitted to seeking out a few of Shawn's ex-girlfriends who claimed to have had sex with him and get the truth. All the girls folded and admitted that they never slept with Shawn. In fact, he broke things off with them as soon as the possibility of sex was put on the table. Angela figured that if she took things slow with Shawn, maybe he'd trust her enough to be his experimental girl sex partner. She really wanted to have sex and really wanted it to be with someone she loved.

The idea of having sex in a musty dorm room with some random college guy put her off. She really wanted Shawn to be her first. She figured after a few times of doing the deed, Shawn would come to realize his sexual preference for men and let Angela down gracefully. She thought she gained his trust enough to bring up the idea after he nearly broke her bed the other week raping it. After she finished blowing up the candles she turned around to face a very angered faced Shawn.

"Don't look at me like that Shawn," she stated.

"You knew," was all Shawn could think to say, in the bevy of things he wanted to say at this surprising information.

"Of course I knew," Angela replied. Shawn was having a complete internal melt down.

"An you didn't tell me," he shouted.

"Shawn, I'm not going to tell you that you're gay."

"You should have," he replied.

"That's not how that works, boo, boo." Angela advised. Shawn huffed in frustration.

"I've been freaking out for weeks," he told her. "I've been in agony over tonight and you knew that I was gay the entire time."

"The thought of having sex with me, brought you to agony," Angela repeated. "Wow you're really gay."

"It's not funny Angela," Shawn said. Tears started to well up in his eyes again. "I care about you. I didn't want to let you down." Angela sat beside the crying boy.

"Shawn what makes you think that being honest with me, would ever let me down," she asked. Shawn didn't have an answer, because it truly was a ridiculous thought. Maybe the other girls would have been heartbroken and felt betrayal over finding out Shawn's sexuality, but Angela wasn't like other girls. "Shawn it breaks my heart that you've been dealing with these feelings all by yourself and didn't think you could me tell about it." There was a weakness to Angela's voice, as if she could cry. But she didn't, ever stoic, Angela left the crying to the gay boy. To which Shawn did cry. He wept. Angela cradle him in her arms for a long while. Shawn was grateful for her, even more than ever before. She really was the perfect girl.

Later that evening the two were lying on Angela's bed giggling and cackling over their unconventional relationship. They went over every date they ever had, with Angela recalling the moments she slowly but surely began to accept her superhot boyfriend was totally gay. Shawn described his painstaking methods to keep their make out sessions non-sexual which had Angela laughing hysterically.

She asked him when knew, and he told her about the night with Eric, and the time on the couch. He confessed that despite knowing he was possibly gay, he only had eyes for Eric. Then he told her about the shower incident.

"You have to tell him how you feel," Angela proclaimed excitedly.

"What, no, never," Shawn protested.

"Shawn, you love him. He needs to know."

"No one can know, Angela," Shawn said sternly.

'What about Cory," Angela mused.

"Especially not Cory," Shawn stated. He looked at Angela. He could tell she didn't like what she was hearing.

"He's your best friend, Shawn," Angela said. "He loves you and needs to know this about you."

"Cory needs to know that the sun still shines behind rain clouds. He needs to know that when a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the earth, on the other side a baby is born. He needs to know that Topanga still loves him and that they have a future together. He doesn't need my mess."

"That's not fair," Angela said firmly. "Cory trust you with his biggest secrets and his most internal thoughts and it's not fair to keep him out of yours. I should know." Angela got off the bed and walked over to her dresser. Shawn watched her fearfully, thinking that this was the rage moment he'd been preparing himself for.

"I meant what I said, Shawn," she began. "It breaks my heart to know that you've been struggling with this huge secret all by yourself for all of these years. But now that I know I feel so grateful that you trust me enough to share it with me. Cory needs the chance to experience that too." Shawn didn't speak. He knew it made sense what Angela was saying, but fear of how Cory would react was dominating his thoughts. But not only Cory, but his brother and his dad, The Matthews, Mr. Turner, Mr. Feeney. He had at one point or a few disappointed them all. He couldn't bear disappointing them anymore. But he knew the truth needed to come out.

"Not now," Shawn said. 'I'm not ready." It was an excuse, but one he knew he could get away with. Angela sighed heavily.

"Okay," she replied. "But just know I'll be here when you do."


	6. Protecting Shawn

The next few weeks, life in the apartment was painfully awkward. Each boy seemed to be doing a strange dance around one another, but none of them knew the steps and each beat was different. Shawn couldn't be around Eric because he kept thinking about him with Brian. He couldn't be around Jack because it seemed all Jack wanted to do with revise his sex talk speech. He wanted to tell his brother not to bother, but that would mean having to explain that not only did sex with Angela not happen, it didn't happen because Shawn's gay.

Jack really wanted to have another heart to heart with his brother, and kept going over different speeches in his head, but every time he was around his younger brother it was like embarrassment and fear destroyed any coherent thought he had. He found himself rambling about how girls are like car engines, or like blades of grass. Anytime he reached out to Eric about it, Eric would change the subject or run off. This bothered Jack, because even though he knew Eric wasn't Shawn's biggest fan, he needed him to help Jack navigate life as a big brother.

For his part, Eric tried to stay out of the apartment as much as possible. It was obvious that Shawn was disgusted by him, and he couldn't bear listening to Jack talk about Shawn's girl problems. With school, work and Cory moping around over Tapanga, Eric felt like he was going to explode. Truly all the boys were on the verge of epic melt downs.

"Do you have your rent money?" Jack asked Eric, as Eric was coming out of the bathroom. Jack was standing in the doorway like a bouncer, and surprised Eric with his presence

"Not yet," Eric replied. "I get paid Friday. Anyway, the rent not due until Tuesday, you know, the 1st." Eric maneuvered his way around Jack, who didn't seem too pleased with the response. The two men walked into the kitchen where Eric proceeded to open the refrigerator and grab for sandwich ingredients.

"No, the apartment manager sent out a memo requesting the rent early for next month, because the building is being sold to another property management firm."

"Since when?" Eric asked. "I didn't see any memo." Jack sighed and closed the refrigerator door.

"Perhaps if you'd look at the refrigerator before emptying it out, you would have seen the memo taped to the front of it for the last 3 weeks," Jack replied. It was obvious that he was annoyed, which made no sense to Eric.

"Okay, sorry," Eric stated. "I didn't see it. I've been a little busy."

"Yeah, avoiding the apartment. I get it, but since your name is also on the lease it would be nice if you contribute once and while," Jack said. Eric furrowed his brow at the statement.

"Dude, I contribute to the apartment," he said defensibly.

"Oh yeah, eating all the food, using all the hot water in the morning," jack began.

"Hold on, right there, buddy," Eric interrupted. "I believe you'll find it's Shawn who uses the hot water, and since he doesn't buy a single food item in this place I would point the finger of moocher in his direction."

"He's 17, still in high school, Eric," Jack snapped back. "You'd think you'd be a little bit considerate of that fact, considering."

"Considering what?" Eric barked." That I had to repeat senior year of high school. That I didn't get into to college right away? Well sorry, Mr. Perfect, that my life hasn't been roses and puppy dogs."

"Well it hasn't been that for Shawn either," Jack yelled. This stated sent a wave of anger over Eric.

"How the hell would you know what life has been for Shawn?" Eric yelled back. "Oh, you've spent, what 8 months with the kid, and suddenly you're Brother of the Year. You've got the lowdown on all things Shawn."

"You're right, I'm not perfect when it comes to Shawn, but I'm trying. And, I thought that having you here, someone who does know him, someone who's a big brother himself would be useful, but so far, you've been as about as useful with Shawn as a shit in a sandwich.

"What the hell are you talking about," Eric replied. "I've had to listen to you go on and on about the guy for months. And, I've always been there for Shawn."

"So why is it that every time he comes into the room you suddenly have to go to the library or to see your parents?" Jack questioned. Eric couldn't reply. The words hung at the back of his throat choking him. "Admit it, you can't stand Shawn, can you. Only I can't see why. He's just a kid." Jack was on a roll now and there was no stopping him, not that Eric had any comebacks.

"Maybe you're jealous of his friendship with Cory, or that your parents treat him like one of their own or hell that he gets more ass than a toilet seat, when you haven't had a girlfriend since middle school."

"You have absolutely no idea what the fuck you're talking about, Jack," Eric stated through gritted teeth.

"Maybe not, but I know that whatever issue you have with Shawn, it's not good for him with you around, and I want you out of this apartment at the end of the month," Jack said.

"What?" Eric yelled. "You can't kick me out."

"I have to do what's best for Shawn, I'm his brother, and I have to protect him."

"Protect him for me?"

"From anyone who hurts him."

"I WOULD NEVER HURT SHAWN. HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. I LOVE HIM." The words came out so fast and were so strong, Eric couldn't control it. The look on Jack's face, made Eric's stomach turn. He felt all the blood rush from his face and hands, and he suddenly felt cold.

"What did you say?" Shawn's voice was like a hammer to glass in Eric's ears. He turned to see the younger boy standing in the doorway of the front door, with what appear to be a bag of groceries. His brown eyes were huge and he had a look of shock and confusion on his face. Standing directly behind him though was Angela.

Feeling his lungs burning, Eric realized he wasn't breathing. He took a deep breath and the oxygen helped to fire up his brain again. It's only message was to get out of that situation as quickly as possible. He didn't want to go to his room, which meant he'd have to find a way to get pass Shawn and Angela. He figured if he moved fast enough the two would just let him by. It worked. Eric pushed passed the two stunned teenagers so fast, he had a small concern that he might have given himself whiplash.

Once outside on the street, Eric didn't know where to go, so he just got into his car and drove.


	7. How Brothers Love

_Eric loves me._ The phrase was on a loop in Shawn's mind like a song lyric. It made him giddy, and nervous and confused and completely excited all at the same time. Everything that Shawn thought about his reactions with Eric were true. Eric was gay and more importantly he was gay for Shawn.

Shawn couldn't help but smile over this fact as he put away the groceries he bought. It was a gesture that Angela encouraged him to make after, Eric threw a hissy fit about the lack of pickles in the refrigerator, despite him purchasing an entire jumbo jar a few weeks prior. Shawn hated being the source of Eric's annoyance, even though at the time Eric was the source of Shawn's queasy disposition. It was more of the thought of Eric being with other men that caused Shawn to feel ill anytime the older man was in the room.

They were perplexing feelings, what Shawn had for Eric. He couldn't stand to be near him, yet missed him whenever he wasn't around. He didn't know what any of it meant, until now. Now that he knew Eric loved him, Shawn knew exactly what his feelings for Eric were. He loved him too.

"I'm sorry you had to hear all of that," Jack said, breaking Shawn's train of thought. "We shouldn't have been fight about that stuff." Shawn could tell that his brother was embarrassed by the whole thing, and didn't seem to have the words.

"It's okay," Shawn replied. "friends fight, hell Cory and I have a huge fight every year. It's like we schedule it or something."

"Yeah, but we shouldn't have been fight about you," Jack stated. Then he seemed to pause. "And what Eric said." He trailed off.

"It's fine," Shawn interjected.

"No, it's not. You shouldn't have to dealt with whatever thing Eric is going through," Jack stated. "You've got enough on your plate, and I might have said it in the heat of the moment, but I really do think, after that, that it would be best for Eric to move out."

"No," Shawn protested with a yell. Jack looked at him stunned. Shawn took a deep breath. He needed to compose himself. Even though he was excited about Eric liking him, he still wasn't ready to have his own coming out. Especially since Jack seemed so weird about Eric's."

"I just mean, so what, about what Eric said," Shawn scoffed.

"He just admitted to being in love with you, Shawn."

"No, he admitted to loving me," Shawn replied. Then thought that that distinction was vast. You can love a puppy, or your grandmother, but you couldn't be _in_ love with them. Maybe that's what Eric meant, that he loved Shawn, like he loved Cory and Morgan. Like Jack loved Shawn. Perhaps Eric's outcry of affection was truly to stated that he did care about Shawn, despite his icy demeanor toward him. He was simply telling Jack that he too wanted what was best for Shawn. Which at its basic level, caring about a person's wellbeing is love. This realization though crushed Shawn.

"Come on Shawn, you heard him," Jack said.

"I did, he loves me, just like he loves you, like I love Cory," Shawn stated. "He just wanted you to understand that. I mean, you were trying to kick him out of his home, Jack."

Jack sighed heavy. Shawn could tell that his brother felt terrible. He felt terrible. Even if what he said was true, the truth was Eric was gay, and Jack's reaction to the idea that his friend might be gay wasn't desired.

"You're right," Jack said. "I'm totally taking what he said in a completely different direction. Maybe I'm wrong about his entire behavior around you."

"Yeah, I mean I can be annoying," Shawn offered. Jack smiled. Then his face turned.

"But, what if he really is IN love with you?" Jack asked. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in the apartment."

"Well, would you be uncomfortable?" Shawn asked. Jack grimaced.

"I don't know," he replied. "I mean I don't like the idea of him looking at you _that_ way. It's just weird."

"Well it doesn't bother me," Shawn stated brightly. Jack's eyes grew narrow.

"It doesn't?" he asked. Shawn felt a panic rise in him.

"Come on, Jack if I avoided all the people who fell in love with me, I'd be a hermit," Shawn mused.

"Yeah," Jack replied with a smile. They stood in silence for a moment before Jack let out a big sigh and announced that when he saw Eric again he'd make amends and take back what he said about wanting Eric to move out. "Besides he like my only friend in this town."

Over the next few hours in his room, Shawn deliberated in his mind what type of love Eric had confessed to, for him. He didn't hear the entire argument between Eric and Jack, but what he did hear gave him pause to believe that Eric was in love with him. However, Eric's behavior around him sometimes felt more than just an older brother, frustrated with a younger brother. Jack didn't act around him the way Eric did. But then again Jack has only been in big brother duty for less than a year. Maybe he doesn't realize that little brothers are supposed to get on your nerves.

Eric avoided Cory, which maybe had more to do with Cory being a basket-case, now. Sometimes Shawn found himself escaping from Cory's reach. Cory was a very exhausting person. Perhaps Shawn was too. Keeping his sexuality, a secret for so many years, was exhausting enough to make Shawn sometimes feel like he didn't want to be around himself.

Shawn's brain busied with these thoughts and more to the point of hunger. He went to the kitchen to find some food. The clock on the microwave said it was 2 a.m. Shawn noted this because that's when the front door opened and Eric came inside. The lights in the living room and kitchen were low, but it was just enough. Eric was trying to be quiet, but when he turned to the kitchen and saw Shawn, he gave up his effort for stealth. He gave the younger boy a half-hearted smile.

"Hey," he offered. Shawn turned to the smile with a half-hearted smile of his own.

"Hey," he replied. They stood in silence for what felt like an eternity.

"Well, I just came to grab some clothes," Eric stated. "I'll get the rest tomorrow, well later to today, I guess."

"What," Shawn said with a worry in his voice.

"Well Jack demanded I move.

"No," Shawn interrupted. Eric looked surprised. "I mean, He didn't mean it. In fact, he was going to apologize to you about the whole thing later. Jack doesn't want you to move."

"Do you want me to move?" Eric asked. Shawn furrowed his brow.

"No, why?" he asked

"Because of what I said," Eric stated in a quiet voice.

"Because you said you loved me," Shawn scoffed. "Of course, not. I mean, we live in the city of brotherly love. It's encouraged. Jack gets that."

"That's not what I meant, though." Eric stated. He was staring at Shawn with a look that Shawn hadn't seen before.

"What do you mean?" Shawn asked nervously. Eric bit his lower-lip and gave a huge sigh. He walked over to Shawn. The kitchen island with the only thing between them.

"Shawn, I'm in love with you," Eric stated. Shawn just stood there in shock, even bigger than the shock he had earlier. "I have been for years. I've been trying to fight it, hell I've been trying to fight a lot of things. But today I realized that me trying to pretend, just comes off as me looking as if I hate you. And, I feel terrible about that."

Shawn couldn't speak, he couldn't move. He wondered if this was happening or if he was in his bed, dreaming. Eric Matthews, the boy he'd been in love with for years, just confessed the same to him. It was unbelievable. It was incredible.

"I don't want things to be weird and I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

What," Shawn asked. He had found that he had zoned out and didn't realize Eric was still talking.

"I know me being gay freaks you out," Eric stated. Now Shawn found himself completely tuned in.

"What are you talking about?" he asked with confusion.

"Come on, Shawn you practically threw up when you saw me with that guy in the shower," Eric stated.

"Brian?" Shawn grimaced.

"Yeah, and every time you see me you act like you can't get away from me fast enough," Eric replied.

"No that's not it," Shawn stated. He walked around the island. But Eric stepped back.

"You have a problem with me being gay, Shawn," Eric replied. "I get it and it sucks, but I can deal."

"I don't have a problem with you being gay Eric," Shawn started.

"Just, could you not tell, Cory or Jack or my parents," Eric stated. There was panic in his voice. "I'm not ready to say anything, and I just want to wrap my head around things."

"Yes, but Eric really you being gay or in love with me doesn't bother me," Shawn insisted.

"How could it not," Eric asked. He seemed completely on edge. "It's not right, I mean it's not normal. I've tried so fucking hard just to be normal, but there's always this thing that just hangs there. No matter what I do I can't get rid of it, and then there's you. I feel like my head is going to explode just thinking about it. At first I did think that what I felt for you was just brotherly love, but then I realized," Suddenly the words stopped and were replaced by Shawn's mouth.

The two boys were kissing. It was a sweet and tender kiss, one that seemed to offer Eric's mind relief. Whatever nervous energy that always seemed to bubble around the two, had completely disappeared. Now there was nothing but this kiss, and only the two of them.

Shawn broke away first. He found that his hands were resting around Eric's waist and Eric's hands were sweetly draped around Shawn's neck. When Eric's eyes finally opened, the two just stared at each other. It was a stare unlike anything they had either ever experienced before.

"Eric, trust me I have now problem with you being gay," Shawn mused. "Like at all."


End file.
